Bass players
What is the definition of a bass note played perfectly in tune?
Pure coincidence.
Pure coincidence.
Just before going on stage a band leader is surprised to see the bass player of the group leaning against the dressing room wall crying.
"What's the matter?', he asks.
'The piano player has de-tuned one of my strings.' sobbed the bassist.
'So, what's the problem?'
'He won't tell me which one!'
"What's the matter?', he asks.
'The piano player has de-tuned one of my strings.' sobbed the bassist.
'So, what's the problem?'
'He won't tell me which one!'
How can you tell when a bass player is knocking at your door?
It gets slower.
It gets slower.
What do a bass player and a terrorist have in common?
They both mess up bowings.
They both mess up bowings.
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the piano player can do that with his left hand.
None, the piano player can do that with his left hand.
Drummers
What do you call people who hang out with jazz musicians?
Drummers!
Drummers!
Why are drummers always losing their watches?
Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.
Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.
One night, a front man said to the drummer, "When the band starts to swing, I want you to play more on the ride cymbal." The drummer replied, "When the band starts to swing, will you please raise your hand?"
What is the difference between a drummer and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
Terrorists have sympathizers.
How can you tell when a drummer has used your computer music notation programme?
Because of the white out all over the screen.
Because of the white out all over the screen.
Did you hear about the drummer who was locked up in jail?He asked for 8 bars in front!
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to do it and nine to tell him they can do it faster.
Ten. One to do it and nine to tell him they can do it faster.
What's the difference between a drummer and a bass player?
Half a beat.
Half a beat.
How can you tell when a drummer is knocking at your door?
It gets faster.
It gets faster.
Singers
A certain chick singer of questionable talent commented on the band bus:
"I'd rather sing than eat."
To which one of the band members replied:
"I'd rather listen to you eat."
"I'd rather sing than eat."
To which one of the band members replied:
"I'd rather listen to you eat."
How does a singer change a light bulb?
She stands on a chair, takes hold of the bulb, and waits for the whole world to revolve around her.
She stands on a chair, takes hold of the bulb, and waits for the whole world to revolve around her.
What is the difference between a vocalist and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What do a vocalist and a terrorist have in common?
They both blow bridges.
They both blow bridges.
Why do singers never say anything bad about musicians?
Because they're too busy talking about themselves.
Because they're too busy talking about themselves.
Why do chick singers always leave all the doors open?
So they can come in when they like.
So they can come in when they like.
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