The Worst Heavy Metal Album Covers Of All Time

What makes an album cover bad? Better yet, what makes one truly terrible?

To paraphrase US Justice Potter Stewart musing on what is 'pornography': "I can't tell you what obscenity is, but I know it when I see it."

And MusicRadar knows a bad album cover when it sees one…

Today, MusicRadar kicks off a series called The Worst Album Covers Ever, with our first installment shining a harsh light on the world of heavy metal. The songs may rock, the singers may scream, the solos may impressively shred.

All of them however verge on the terrible…

1. Boned - Up At The Crack

That sound you hear is Les Paul spinning…

2. Cinderella - Night Songs

'Look at the bitchin' clothes Mom got us at the rock store! She even named our band too!'

3. Battleaxe - Burn This Town

'And the winner of the St Mary's first-grade 'Draw A Heavy Metal Album Cover' contest is…'

4. Scorpions - Animal Magnetism

We're confused. Does the man want to be serviced by the dog, the girl or - ulp! - both?

5. Pantera - Metal Magic

'And runner-up in the St Mary's first-grade 'Draw A Heavy Metal Album Cover' contest is…'

6. Stryken - First Strike

Actually, I think you'll find it's Three Strikes…

7. High Frequency - Masters of Madness

Masters Of Moustaches. At least half of 'em, especially the dude who's pointing - he means it

8. Metal Skool - Metal Skool

'We'll spell 'school' with a 'K' instead of a 'C.' And then we'll come up with a look nobody's ever seen before. Hell, we'll even switch headbands!'

9. Cattle Decapitation - Humanure

And this is what Cattle Decapitation sit around thinking about. Suddenly, Coverdale seems like a genius…